Resilience

By Jay Solman, MSW, RSW

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”  

- Nelson Mandela

The truth is, sometimes we’re not prepared for adversity, and when it strikes, we can feel caught off guard, unsure of how to handle it. However, there are ways to regain our strength and resilience, even in the face of unexpected challenges. With the right tools and mindset, we can navigate adversity and emerge stronger.

Acknowledge and Accept It

Be Honest with Yourself: We’re often very skilled at creating stories about ourselves—stories that externalize our experiences, deflect our feelings, or trap us in cycles of blame and sadness. While it's easy to get stuck in these narratives, the first step toward healing is simply acknowledging that you're going through a tough time. Denial only prolongs the struggle, while acceptance opens the door to growth and resolution.

Don’t Be Hard on Yourself: It’s normal to feel upset, to feel scared, or frustrated during difficult times. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.

Stay Calm and Centered

Breathe and Reflect: When adversity strikes, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. For many people, stress or challenging situations can trigger a tightness in the chest or shallow breathing, accompanied by a rush of adrenaline. This is a natural physiological response to stress. To regain control, try incorporating deep breathing exercises. Focusing on slow, deep breaths activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps counterbalance the “fight or flight” response. This, in turn, lowers your heart rate, relaxes your muscles, and calms both your mind and emotions, allowing you to regain a sense of balance and clarity.

Avoid Impulsive Reactions: Be mindful of being impulsive, take time to reflect and assess the situation before reacting. Knee-jerk responses often make things worse.

Focus on What You Can Control

Identify Your Power: In any difficult situation, there are always things you can control. It might feel like things are happening “to” you, but you have choice. You control your attitude, your responses, your actions. Focusing on these helps you feel empowered and grounded.

Set Small, Achievable Goals: Break down the larger problem into smaller steps. Sometimes when we try to look at the whole picture we can easily get overwhelmed by the size of the challenges we face. Achieving small goals can help you regain a sense of progress and control. It can be as simple as going for a daily walk, or taking a step towards starting that business you always dreamed about.

Shift Your Perspective

Look for Lessons: Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Sometimes adversity can be a powerful teacher, in the words of Alfred from Batman Begins “Why do we fall down? So, we can learn to get up!” Adversity can be a powerful teacher and if we listen it can help us grow even more resilient.

Reframe the Challenge: Instead of thinking of the challenge as something that’s happening to you, try to see it as something that’s happening for you—to build your strength, resilience, or character.

Build a Support System

Reach Out: Resist the pull to retreat into isolation. Talk to friends, family, or mentors. You don’t have to face adversity alone. Sometimes just sharing your struggles can lighten the emotional load. Surround yourself with people who offer emotional support, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Keep a Positive Mindset

Practice Gratitude: In tough times, focusing on the things you're grateful for—even small things—can shift your mindset from despair to hope. Gratitude is practice. It is a commitment to consciously focusing on what you appreciate in your life, no matter how big or small. It has been shown to have significant benefits for mental health, reduce stress, improve mood, and increase feelings of connection and contentment.

Take Care of Yourself

Physical Health: Stress and adversity can take a serious toll on your body, so it's essential to prioritize your physical health. Ensure you're getting enough rest, eating nourishing foods, and staying active. Taking care of your body not only supports your physical well-being but also strengthens your mental resilience, helping you better cope with life's challenges.

Embrace Persistence

Don’t Give Up: Adversity can be exhausting, but persistence often leads to breakthroughs. Trust that the struggle will eventually end and that you will come out stronger on the other side.

Develop a Growth Mindset: A growth mindset, a concept introduced by psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and learning. People with a growth mindset are more persistent because they see failure as an opportunity to learn and grow, not as a permanent setback.

Tip: Instead of thinking, "I can't do this," try framing your thoughts like, "I haven't mastered this yet, but I will keep learning."

Find Meaning in the Struggle

Look for Purpose: Do things happen for a reason? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Who’s to know – you! We are meaning creating machines. Sometimes adversity can lead to a deeper understanding of who you are and what truly matters. Finding purpose in hardship can make it more bearable and even transformative.

Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledge Your Progress: Even in tough times, there are moments of progress—however small. Celebrate each one to remind yourself that you are moving forward.

Recommended Books:

• Calm Within the Storm: A Pathway to Everyday Resiliency - Author: Robyne Hanley-Defoe

  
  

• Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life - Author: Dr. Susan David.

  
  

• Rising Strong - Author: Brené Brown

  
  

• The Power of Meaning - Author: by Emily Esfahani Smith