Preparing for Launch: A Parent’s Guide to the Empty Nest

By Jay Solman MSW, RSW

When my son was 5, our family visited Death Valley, California, where I was running a 50km trail race. The weather was hot, but not the punishing, melt-your-shoes heat that Death Valley is famous for. As I neared the finish line, something wonderful happened: my son, with his little Wile E. Coyote legs ran out onto the course to race me to the end. That moment was captured by the official race photographer, and to this day, it's one of my most cherished memories. His face—bright with determination, focus, and life—was like lightning in a bottle. In that moment, I saw not just my child, but a spark that would carry him forward through life.

Now, in his 20s, my son is preparing for another significant transition—this time, into adulthood. He no longer needs daily tending. No more helping him get dressed, or cutting apples for him, no trips to the local playground and no more soccer practice. He is working in his chosen profession and still enjoys the comfort and security of living at home. Our conversations have evolved too—less directive and more adult. We talk about everything from our shared love of music and art to life skills and politics. I sometimes find myself looking at him with a sense of awe, thinking back to that day in California, when he was full of that same spark. It’s clear now: He’s going to be ok. That curiosity, drive, and focus from his childhood still shines through today. He's a remarkable young man, and I could not be prouder.

The Challenges of Letting Go

For many parents, this stage of life brings a mixture of pride, joy, and deep, sometimes complicated emotions. Big questions start to pop up: Are they ready to leave the nest? Are we ready? Afterall it’s a scary world out there, and it’s natural to feel a sense of trepidation and loss as our children prepare to launch into their own lives. There are still moments when I wonder if my son has mastered all the practical skills he'll need—beyond doing his own laundry. He’s still short on some basic domestic tasks, like understanding that putting a frozen burrito in the microwave is not actually “cooking”.

As parents, this is a critical time when we can continue to help them grow. We need to encourage our children to take more responsibility within the home—perhaps by cooking “actual” meals a few nights a week, handling their own laundry, or taking out the garbage. These practical tasks help nurture their independence and self-sufficiency, preparing them for life outside the family nest. It's also a time for parents to allow their children space to navigate their emotions. They're excited for the independence that comes with leaving home but, just below the surface, they are also scared about the changes ahead. Both things can be true. Make space for them, let them know that you are always there for whatever they need.

The Paradox of Parenting

This moment is a pivotal transition for both parent and child. We remember how challenging it was when we first set out on our own to find an apartment, worried about bills, started our careers, and figured out relationships. Now our children are facing those same challenges, but for them it’s all new. They are learning how to "adult," just as we did. They're learning how relationships evolve, how to balance independence with connection, and how to carry forward all the love, lessons, and memories they’ve gathered as they’ve grown up. As they prepare to leave, the idea of "home" may start to take on a new meaning. Home will no longer be the place they return to everyday—home becomes infused into their very being. Home is now all the memories and experiences that created them.

We’ve spent years and buckets of emotional energy, time, and resources into nurturing our children. And yet, when the time comes for them to leave home, we will also experience a profound mix of emotions. On the one hand, we’ve worked so hard to get here —this is one of life’s most significant milestones. It is the culmination of years of guidance and sacrifice. Yet, on the other hand, it can be a period of grief and loss for parents. It reminds us of our mortality and also of a new still unknown chapter for our own lives. As our children ask who they are, we are also confronted with the same question.

Preparing Ourselves for the Transition

As parents, it’s important to prepare ourselves for this stage. Every parent will experience the change in a different way. Some will experience grief and loss, others excitement for a new stage of life. Many will experience a mix of sadness, joy, loss and fear. It’s essential to take time to reflect on the journey that got you here, to sit with both the joy and sadness that comes with this stage of life. Parents should also acknowledge all the hard work you put into your child’s development. The soccer games in the rain, the hours spent shuttling kids to activities, the temper tantrums, the celebrations, the successes and the failures. Every one of them has brought you to this point. Your child is about to launch because of your efforts. It’s ok to mourn the loss of one stage, but also to reflect and celebrate all that brought you here.

At the same time, we must give ourselves permission to look forward to our next chapter. Psychologist Erik Erikson referred to this phase of life as “Generativity vs. Stagnation”. It's a time to reflect on what our own lives might look like as our children take flight. Perhaps this is the moment to rekindle old passions, to reconnect with old hobbies, to explore our community and give back, or even to turn a side project into a new venture. For many of us, the years of raising children may have put certain dreams on hold—now is the time for you to invest in yourself and those around you. We also need to pay attention to our relationships. Without the daily chaos of family life, the strengths and weaknesses in our relationship become more pronounced. Use this time to reconnect, plan those date nights or weekend getaways, to rediscover what drew you together. If there are challenges, now is the time to repair and rebuild. If we do not engage in reflection and investment in ourselves at this stage, we risk stagnating and disconnecting.

The Emotional Landscape Ahead

The transition to an empty nest can be a time of rich emotional complexity. Some days will feel light as air, full of possibility, and excitement for what’s to come. Other days may feel heavy, as we let go of a part of our identity as parents. But this is also an opportunity for growth, renewal, and reconnection. If you find this transition difficult, know that you are not alone. Seek support, whether through friends, a counsellor, or simply by giving yourself time to process your feelings.

In the end, letting go doesn’t mean we stop being parents—it simply means we shift into a new, equally important role. The relationships we have with our children will evolve, but they don’t end. And as we prepare for this next chapter of our own lives, let us remember that the strength we gave our children to launch is the same strength that will carry us forward as we begin our own next stage.